Identity

by madcrasher

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about

The culmination of the refining quality control process, or at least the process up until the point where I threw my hands up and yelled "[bleep] it! I'm just going to release the [bleep] thing!"

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released January 9, 2009

Produced by Evan Hildreth and Kalen Stanton. (c) 2009 Anticipation Media LLC, Some Rights Reserved.

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about

madcrasher Greenville, South Carolina

There is no bio. A bio implies there is, in fact, a story to be told and that this is not, in fact, just some guy messing around on his computer.

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Track Name: Quality Control
It's been a long time coming
Promised for a while in
Various shapes and sizes
Formats and discs, DRM
Not to mention employment, graduation
Moving in, moving out
Old face, new places
Several rat races
But you know what, folks?
Finally that time
Please allow me to introduce myself.
I'm madcrasher,
Yes, I'm the madcrasher,
All the other Mad Crasher's are just
Mac bashers,
That's right,
I'm a Mac boy,
Like it, love it, or leave it,
But you better believe it!
But more important, I'm a Jesus boy,
Heart, soul, and mind ain't that far behind,
And it shows through from time to time,
But I'm getting off track here. See,
I'm kinda new to this whole rap game
From time to time I can be pretty lame
So, if you got opinions and insight,
Help me see the light!

dropanote@madcrasher.com
Tell me what I did right,
Tell me what I did wrong,
Tell me if this song is gonna be a big hit
Tell me if my day job I shouldn't quit
You know, everything's gonna be alright
If God's watching over the house tonight,
So get out your chair,
wave your hands in the air...

Constructive criticism is the name of the game
It's how I plan to not sound the same as
Every single other white guy out there
Smoking fifty cigarettes at the county fair
Until we're perfect there's room for improvement
Help me out before I hit the next movement
Stand up straight, look out below
madcrasher's here
And he brought the whole show!
Track Name: The Way I Am
The way I am
And how it relates to the times
Sorta like poetry except it has to rhyme
But the pencil meets the paper and the words don't flow
My study hall is over, look out, it's time to go!
Can't write about the ghetto 'cause the streets I don't know
Can't write about the blingin' 'cause my money doesn't flow
Can't write about adversity 'cause Father's done me well
So I'm left with the beauty, no hard stuff to tell
It seems like the good stuff is all that's in my life
'Cause I got no major problems, I got no major strife
Except for the time when some jerk comes around and
Just 'cause of my religion starts putting me down
But that's alright man, it's chill, I've learned to deal
With the stuff that doesn't matter, can't affect how I feel
Can't throw it all away, 'cause it's all a part of me
So that's why I ask, 'Let me just be

The way I am, not apologizing, hiding, or disguising,
Trying to find a way to explain the things I'm finding in life.

Am I honestly insane or do I only try to be?
Do I make up issues just to boost my eccentricity?
Is this really who I am or do I just act this way?
But then I can't act out the stuff that I'm trying to say
Can't be like everybody, can't go against the flow,
So I just have to do the only thing I know:
Be myself! And do my best to see
Just how God created me to be the way I am

Take a breather and give me time to figure out
Just what the whole point in this life is all about
It's a process to complicated to explain, you know?
If all the world's a stage, our lives make up a show
For the one that gives us strength enough to live another day
Gives me the words to know exactly what I'm going to say
Life is a lesson that's kinda hard to know
But you'll be given what you need until it's your time to go

My poetry's on the floor covered in grime
And the Birdman's on me 'cause I'm running out of time
Perhaps I should just wrap it up, say goodbye,
But cut me some slack, people, it's--my fourth try?
I'm just a writer trying hard to make a living
With the concrete abstractions my pencil's been spinning
Take it at face value, or dig a little deeper,
But it's up to you to decide if this song is a keeper.
If all this has been done for me all of it's going to pass
'Cause you know only what done in this life for Christ will last
This song's been pretty shallow, this song don't weigh a ton
So take out your earplugs 'cause MC's song is done.
Track Name: In the Form Of a Question
It goes without saying that we're crazy fools
Trying to think that we can do everything, change the rules
Of logic, gin and tonic for your crazy mind
Ignoring all the rules that you're trying to find
Build up all of your plans for a perfect land
And facilitate change through a crazy rock band
There are lies, bad lies, and statistics we make,
But what you're doing takes the cake.
Think you're 700 1337 (too leet)
For all the humans and the stuff we've been given
Like the comic book guy with his collection of PEZ
But in the end, nobody ever cares what he says!
I don't care how much time you spend thinking of life
The things that go wrong and how you can make it right
The world's just perfect if we're all like you
But we're not... duh?

Overanalyze life today
Overanalyze everything your mommas say
Let me put this up to you in the form of a question:
"How we gonna get out of this mess we've made?"
Overanalyze truth be told
While the people in the world keep getting old
Let me put this up to you in the form of a question:
"Why you wanna build a nonconformity mold?"

People all are different yet we wanna be the same
Yet too many of us play the popularity game
But maybe, just maybe, that's the people they are
While the rest of us take our time to smell the new car
But you whine and complain that they're not themselves
Tell them to be different just like everybody else
They should walk like you, talk like you,
But you and I both know they can't be you!
Maybe conforming is how they don't conform
Maybe not conforming is how you conform
Maybe this whole idea of individuality
Needs to be defenestrated before it become part of me
And don't write me off, or can you not comprehend
Ideas not coming from out your own head, and--
(Hey guys, I really don't like this line here, can we skip it?)

No rhyme to my reason, little reason to my rhyme
So let me at least try to be serious this time
Our cultural philosophy has gotten kinda whack
With postmodernism, Nietzsche, and You Don't Know Jack
But if there are no absolutes, then even that won't hold
To your own ideas about the truth being told
Freedom of faith is the greatest to confide
But who get priority when two freedoms collide?
Fair and unbiased has lost its way back
We can have any color, just so long as it's black
It's time to look hard at the old way of things
But if you only replace it more chaos it brings
Questioning authority makes cynical and jaded
Questioning life makes one tired and wasted
Questioning the truth can be bad for your health
So before you question everything, question yourself
Track Name: Think About It
Everyone has problems, it's a fact of life
That this world's rife with things that aren't
Pleasant to deal with, and it's hard to admit
Even we as Christians have to deal with it
Some of us have problems others don't have
That's why we help each other on the narrow path
But we tend, even with intentions that are good
To not tell people what we should. Instead
We point them to the hoops that we jump through
"It doesn't work for me, maybe it'll work for you."
Or worse, we deny the problem outright
In the vain hope that it'll disappear overnight
But most importantly, put a clean face on
And show the world nothing bad is going on
But that'll only last until they find out the lies
And we all see through your disguise

Has it ever dawned on us that maybe this game
Is turing off the people that we're trying to save?
Our lack of honesty, yes, that's what it is
Makes us as appealing as soda without fizz
Paul says, boast of your weaknesses
Because through them God shows more of who He is
Like the bumper sticker says,
"Christians aren't perfect, just forgiven!"
And that's how we should be living
'Cause Jesus didn't come for the perfect and the right
But for people who, spiritually, have no sight
And He's making us perfect little by little
We're not at the end, we're somewhere in the middle
We don't have to, we can't be, so don't even try
To be perfect at any point before we die
If we can be honest about that, it might show
God's love in ways we can never know

Wheelin' and dealin's got your shorts in a wad
We seem to have forgotten that we can't be God
I don't know what the future holds, I say
Let's sit back and watch it unfold
We're letting the world dictate who we should be
But perceptions for us don't make reality
I don't know what the future holds, I say
Let's sit back and watch it unfold

Gain the whole world, and lose your soul
If I didn't know better I'd say that's your goal
With the issues you bring, and the sides that you take
Forgive me if I say you're starting to sound fake
As you preach your empty social gospel
What's hot always gets the room full
But popular positions don't always align with
What the scriptures define. See
A compromise here, a little shift there,
Soon you can't find God anywhere
As you're critically acclaimed for your social tolerance
Proclaiming to us all that it all makes sense
If you read the word this way,
Suddenly what's wrong becomes okay,
But when your sandy foundation crumbles down
Will all those politicians still be around?
(I don't think so.)

I'm nitpicking out of genuine fear
That our American church is beginning to veer
Away from the truth that we once professed
Trading it for relevance that's fleeting at best
We latch on to issues that don't really apply
Give them bread and wine then force-feed them pie
Driving off our children with issues we make
Then claim that it's their mistake? Tell me
Will we go to the lions for Christ?
Will we risk life and limb for his sacrifice?
Or do we sit tight in our SUVs proudly proclaiming
"It's all about me!"
I'm not singling out, not trying to hide
But if we truly are Christ's bride
Should we not then be concerned whether if we sit
With saints or with mockers? Think about it.
Track Name: Inhibition (feat. Caitlyn Griffith)
Step outside with me!
If you don't look then you'll never see
All the beautiful things that we were meant to be
Move beyond this low-hanging roof we
Built up to keep us dry
Look to the sky!
It's falling down drop by delicious drop
Don't just hide and wait for it to stop
A little dance in the rain will be just fine
Come out while there's still time!
See, the storm won't last forever
Life will resume, and we'll go back to whatever we do
Stand in line, mark down your time,
And work so hard to save a dime, but right now
Let's pretend like no one looking
They're all, uh... inside cooking up
Some lame excuse
But not you, you're not self-conscious enough
To be concerned with all that fluff...
Right?

Inhibition's tearing me apart
Inside part of me longs just to seize the day

I've heard what they say:
Odd, weird, uncivilized
I wear it with a badge of pride
'Cause you see right now their words don't matter
In the broad scheme of things
What good is freedom if we're not free to use it
Not disrespect and abuse it
'Cause like so many things in life
If you don't treasure it, you'll lose it
Please don't call the men in white coats
Their straight jackets laced up to the throat
Have a tendency to suffocate all the good things in life
I'm just kidding
I'm not clinical like that (just yet)
But think about it for a sec
Could what I just said really be
Some kind of metaphor? You tell me...

Inhibition's tearing me apart
Inside part of me longs just to seize the day
Rainy days don't seem so bad right now
Even when blue skies fade to a darkened grey

Lose your inhibitions but don't lose your conscience
This freedom we have cost a good man his life
And some rules are only there to keep us from
Things we're going to regret
But appearances are meaningless outside of time
So for one brief moment
Forget everything that you're trying to be
Come outside and dance with me
Track Name: Overactive Imagination
In that moment when reality runs away
Imagination, real world fade to grey
Sink deeper into my mind
Close my eyes, look around, see what I can find
There's a guy waiting for me with a tail out his back
Fox ears, big sword, and a patched up sack
Looks me in the eyes as he says to me
"Hey, ready for an adventure?"
Off to chart the worlds unknown
Sail the seas so far from home
Ride across the plains on a dragon's back
Fly far away and never look back
As dawn approaches we'll hide away
Disguise ourselves as we go through the day
But as I wake up and get out of my bed
Am I me or someone in my head?

My mind's up in the clouds as I walk around
Too much imagination, need to tone it down
Wishing for a grand, lofty destiny
Or a bad case of mistaken identity
Real madcrasher please raise your hand
Are you the one with fur or the normal man
Or the one in the middle, can't seem to decide
Who he really is, at least on the inside...

Wake up in the morning, try to go to class
My mind keeps drifting off to where it was last night
Sit, try to write things down
But I still can't seem to describe that particular sound
In the wind that I hear
Calling me back home to a place I've never been
But how can I imagine what can't be known
Describe what can't be shown?

My mind's up in the clouds as I walk around
Too much imagination, need to tone it down
Wishing for a grand, lofty destiny
Or a bad case of mistaken identity
Real madcrasher please raise your hand
Are you the shapeshifter or the normal man
Or a bad case of mistaken identity
Real madcrasher please raise your hand
Are you the leet wizard or the normal man
Or a bad case of mistaken identity
Real madcrasher please raise your hand
Are you cocky fool or the broken man
Or the one in the middle, can't seem to decide
Who he really is, at least on the inside...

There needs to be a separation between
The world outside and the worlds inside my head
'Cause a God in my own mind's no good
If he has no authority to do what I said
Not to mention the other people sitting around me
Living their own lives apart from me
If they came in they'd run far away
From all my thoughts that should never, ever see the light of day
Still the thoughts come like a torrent
Like stars from the sky over the world below it
And I have no choice but to write them down
In a flurry of sparks as they hit the ground
So I'll keep on writing and I'll keep on rapping
Even if the world doesn't like what I'm asking
The brain is no place for ideas to stay
'Cause they might be loved someday...
Track Name: Tell It Slant
So it begins
Broken up, broken down
Humanity cries to a dissonant sound
As we run around in our miserable lives
Our dreams all tainted by cloudy skies
Hopes are dashed on the rocks of reality
Point the finger, three point back at me
No stone to throw, no axe to grind
While the situation's there in the back of our minds
'Cause this world's corrupted, this world's impure
And if we're bad, how can we hope to find the cure
Condemned to suffer for the rest of our days
Wondering forever in an endless maze
Rotten, tainted, black to the bone
Is it our fault we have so many problems at home?
Troubles with the world are the talk of the nation
But what're you going to do to help the situation?

Tell the truth but tell it slant
Your only slant is that you won't
Let yourself believe...

What if I told you that there was a way back
To the way things used to be before it all cracked
Regain what we lost when our wings fell away
Replace the innocence lost on that day
But you don't believe me, can't believe me
Thinking about it, no, you'd much rather be
In your dark hole alone with your mournful sound
Ignoring all the goodness going on around
There is pain, yes, but there is life as well
There are sad yet hopeful stories to tell
But you tell the truth from where you see it
Leaving out the light as much as you see fit
Corrupt situations impossible to fix
Innocent men don't deserve forty licks
Giving the problem without the solution
Plot and climax but no resolution

Do you understand when I say the door is open
You can be free from all the paint that makes you broken
Move past the hurt, put an end to the crying
Leave the darkness that's left you dying
The hand that waits to help you is left for empty
The faith that could protect you is cracked and dirty
I tried to brush it off, but you pushed me away
Don't look now, I'll be back another day
Don't worry about me, I can make it alright
As for you, why don't you just go home tonight
And think about the life that you've chosen to lead
The things that you've lost that you can't concede
Weep for the innocence gone down the drain
Cry for yesterday and wallow in shame
Yell and scream, and when you're through storming
Take two prozac and call me in the morning
Track Name: Quicksand
Crash into an open door
Conflicting lines of thought lay scattered on the floor
As I look around at what my life has become
A paper thin lie covering the real one
What I say doesn't match what I do
Telling lies hoping to convince
Myself that it's true
Responsibilities getting lost in the shuffle
Of a mind overflowing and a spirit that's uncomfortable

Turned around so crazy don't know what I believe
Chasing hard after idols that aren't alive and can't breathe
Thinking I can do every single thing that I say
So why wait for tomorrow? Do what I can today
But look where it got me, look where I'm at now
Came up short and now I'm wondering how
I can finish what I started when I fell down
I can face all the people that I let down

I'm sorry my friends, I messed up
Because I'm not perfect like I said I was
Much as I'd like to think that I'm above it all
We all know the prideful are the ones that fall
I'm human just like all of you
This salvation I claim doesn't fix things overnight
Can't claim to be like somebody I barely even know
And therin lies the problem...

My God, my Savior, how can I come to You
With all this baggage I've been carrying a year or two
What place do I have among the righteous saints
When all I have to offer you is a broken face
You offered me food and you offered me drink
Offered me everything and the kitchen sink
Yet here I am, chained by my own stubbornness
That's there even though I should become less

I tried to be a messenger that people would receive
Tried to be a Christian that people would believe
So the faith that You gave me I pushed far away
To be more like them in some form, shape, and way
I cut myself off from the light of Your grace
And now I can't bring myself to turn towards Your face
Father, please, restore my broken spirit once again
Let me be right with You before I get up again...
Track Name: The Optimist Manifesto
How can I claim hope when there's none to give
How can I claim peace when it's hard to live like this
I can't hold on to the things that I knew
But I don't have a clue what else to do
Circumstances are clearly not the best
I'm paralyzed but not at rest
Praying for divine relief
Before my unbelief takes over...

Misconceptions of how the world aught to be
Like I'm not the ruler of all that I see
As much as I'd like to control everything
It's impossible for a mortal being like myself
I wake up one day
Suddenly nothing around is going my way
Before long my worries double
And begin to burst my security bubble
Wake up, my best friend won't talk to me
Find out, he's not simple like I want him to be
Wake up, teacher picks on a friend I know
Find out, his pedestal is actually quite low
Wake up, two towers fallen down to the ground
Faith in my country's nowhere to be found
Wake up, mom and I don't see eye to eye
I've outgrown the nest, need to learn to fly
Wake up, assignments are harder than I thought
Find out infallible is something I'm not
Wake up, friend won't take what I hold dear
Find out not all who have ears will hear
Wake up, a man of God, respected by all
Went out for a bike ride, had a nasty fall
His mind's gone, and we don't know if it'll come back
Tell me, what can I say to that?

Times like this I wonder if it's all just an act
Motions I go through, pretend I'm back in some
Idealistic state of mind
An excuse to leave the world behind
And put off the inevitable discovery:
That life is all that I fear it could be
No trust, no God, there's just myself
And what little I can do to maintain my health
Watch my own back 'cause no one else will
Eat and drink until I've had my fill
Be sure to grab the big share of the pie
Keep my wits about and quit watching the sky
My life so far's just been following a lie
A sadistic game played until we die
And all that's left for me is...

I can't do it.
There's no way that I
Could ever believe that this is all just a lie
Maybe I'm too brainwashed, indoctrinated
Or maybe it's that God loves when He's hated
Maybe I'm scared of how the world is
Or maybe the Great Shepherd has marked me as His
Maybe I'm tired of sounding alarms
Or maybe I just found my rest in His arms
I know--I don't know how, but I know
That this is the truth
Don't ask me to show you
A train of logic to give the conclusion
That this is more than just smoke and illusion
To everything else, at the end of the day
There's just one thing that I can say...
I can't live that way!

What then? If God is truly on our side
We can trust that in the end it's going to turn out right
It may take an hour, a week, a year
We may have to hope that his return is near
But providence is somehting no one can explain
Just like God's a being no one can contain
What's left is to lose the control that I've got
And learn that God's God and I'm not
So letting go, I don't know what life holds in store
I don't know if I'm rich, I don't know if I'm poor
I don't know if I'll live to see my grandchildren born
I don't know if I'll die before the next morning
But I know even if I can't see
I'll be just where God in Heaven wants me to be
No matter what comes, this thing I know
His love will never let me go!
Track Name: Lights Down Curtain Up
Failures coming back to haunt
Faults that I know that I shouldn't flaunt
Multiple personalities fight
In an epic battle that lasts all night
These image problems tumble on
Trying to find something to rest upon
As I figure out how I can be
How I think people think I should be
And You're the enigma beyond it all
You say somehow I'm supposed to call You Father
But is it me You see
Or Someone else standing in place of me
Do You see my chronic faithlessness
My nearly constant selfishness
My pining after worthless things
That this world always brings? Tell me,

What do You see?
Am I all I could be when You look at me?
What do You see?
Am I all that I could be
When the lights go down, curtain's up,
And You look at me?

Do they see You when they see me
Or do they see everything I'm trying not to be
Do my actions speak what I'm trying to say
Or do they just get in the way?
Do I seem too arrogant, confident, or maybe
Just too sure that what I meant gets through
This tangled mess of words I impart
To make my lyrics sound more smart?
Do I pretend to know what I'm saying
While in reality I'm just playing around with You
Making sure I don't speak
Any promises that I can't keep?
Am I someone You can brag about
Or are You just sitting there waiting
To call me out
Or are You too embarrassed, or even ashamed
To hear me claim Your name?

Let me rest on You for all I am
Let me find Your rock in my shifting sands
On the narrow road You've paved for me
Let me be the man You've made me to be